I know its been long since I've posted anything on here. Its been long since I've written anything period. I know that's not healthy. That what I've been going through isn't healthy. This cancer stuff, that's easy. But life? Life is fucking hard. It hits you over and over and it just doesn't stop. It doesn't ever want to stop and why should it? Just when you think you're numb to the pain that's been done to you, that your heart just couldn't possibly feel pain any longer.
He does something, you feel that hope inside you die, that dreamer you used to be before him vanish. You feel empty and dark, angry and bitter. He threw you away literally. What type of person does that to someone? You don't love them. That's for sure. Nobody treats someone like that if they love them. All I feel when I think of him is anger and pain, resentment and bitterness, rage unlike anything I've felt before and this full body shaking need for revenge for all of the agony I've been put through. After all of the times he's burned me, all of the times he's fucked up, all of the times he's done me wrong, I accepted them and him. Never once turning my back.
Because that's what love is.
Not this. Its not anything like this. This is evil and he's pushing me away and throwing me out because he hates how much he feels for me and he hates that he can't see me. His exact words? "I can't hug something I don't see. So I found something else to occupy my time".
I hope his new girlfriend, that backstabbing trashy piece of shit lying manipulative whore, knows exactly what she is to him. And I hope he knows there is nothing that I do better then revenge.
I may have cancer, I may be fighting off death right now, but I will still make you feel so fucking dead and hurt inside all without doing a single fucking thing to you. I will be happy, healthy, pretty again when I'm full of life and you will realize that my form of revenge is the best kind, its the kind that breaks your heart because you'll realize I finally forgot you, that I finally just don't love you anymore.
Nothing in this world ever felt as amazing as you wrapped around me. I've never felt like I was in heaven more than I was in those rare moments I had you near. But you gave up. I can handle fuck ups, lies, mistakes...but no one gives up on me. You fucked with the wrong girl. I hope you're happy. Maybe now you're finally completely dead inside. Congratulations, you've successfully become the type of man you never wanted to be- an immature child.
